Bedtime with Monsters

Bedtime with Monsters

There are nights where you think you might not be able to take much more. There are days that seem to go on endlessly. You feel like if you have to answer one more question, break up one more fight, discipline one more time, you might actually lose it. You take deep breaths because at this point, that's all you have. And as much of a help your partner offers to be, they don't want him. They want you. Incessantly. You walk into the room for what you swear is the "last time" only to be repeating the same process 3 minutes later. It's a battle that you're not always on the losing end of. It's a battle that often ends in victory, with smiles and hugs and obedience. But today, tonight, it's the other kind of battle. It's the one that leaves you fighting back tears because you know, even if they see you crying, it won't make a difference. Unlike older humans, they won't suddenly feel guilted into making better choices, or staying quiet and out of your way. Your tears serve no purpose in this home tonight, other than to bring you a little relief, if you can find it. No. Tonight is a night that contains yelling and threats. It's a night that brings on an ugly side to your usually calm, laid back demeanor. You fight back the urge to curse at them because you know it won't do any good. And it's a shame you're better judgment keeps your tongue in check because a strongly placed "f" bomb would really feel good right about now.

It's one that followed a long day of whining and fighting and complaining and never finding satisfaction. A day where you count down the minutes until bed time but deep down you know that bed time is when it all gets worse. Bedtime is when the monsters show up. They climb out from the dark closets and from under the toy cluttered beds. They stealthily creep up to your little ones and, little by little, seep into their bodies through their ears and finger tips and toes. You reason that those night time invaders have possessed your children because there's no other excuse for the imposters that now occupy those soft, comfortable sheets. You cross your fingers and pray that their long day will catch up to them quickly. That they'll realize "hey, I'm exhausted. It's time to shut up and rest." But your wishful thinking gets lost in the noise. What should be your time to relax and enjoy a few moments of quiet before drifting off into what you hope is a uneventful night is ruined by crying and excuses and your own screaming.

The monsters have taken over, like every night, but tonight it's really bad. Tonight leaves you ashamed and hurting, both physically and emotionally.

You get to a point where you can change out of your clothes and sit in bed but you find it hard to move. You've spent so much energy trying to rationalize with them that there's not much left for yourself. This night leaves you hoping your partner will console you but both of you find that there's really no solace. Kids are kids, and sometimes they're bad. That's life. Which only makes sense. That's the job, right? That's what you signed up for, knowingly or not.

But sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it's too much. Sometimes bedtime leaves you wondering what would happen if you just hopped on a plane alone and got away for awhile. You could slip out after they're all asleep with nothing but your keys and purse. Fly away to some secluded island, lay on a beach where there's no one yelling for you or crying for some totally unnecessary reason. Just you and silence.

I tell myself I'll do that someday. But not tonight. No, there's not enough caffeine in the world to get me up off of this mattress to begin my escape. Maybe tomorrow night I'll follow through on my secret plan. But please, don't tell the monsters. They are most definitely not invited.